I can't believe how often I untintenionally tune my girlfriend out. Today was a perfect example. I went to radioshack and spent sixty dollars on the exact kind of recorder she told me not to buy. I don't even try it, i swear. But a return later, that's all fixed, and i'm finally done with worst part of my xmas shopping. We have the meekest three foot tall tree ever. My car is broken which sucks, but my muscles are getting really hard and defined from my daily (sometimes twice) workouts. Tara is going out of town all of next week and conveniently returns on our anniversary. I'm sure i'll work alot next week and probably party down a bit. It's going to be a really strange i'm sure. We haven't spent a significant amount of time apart since we've been together. I'm looking forward to the alone time a little bit. I'm also looking forward to christmas with both of our crazy families. Now i have to go eat more m&m's and press some iron.

Merry Christmas!!!

we have been moved into the new house for about two weeks now. today tara had off of work so we house cleaned in our underwear. it's my new favorite thing. this weekend the dub cup and some others are going to see the gossip in d.c., i'm pretty excited about that. i'm also pretty excited about my birthday, pariah piranha's first show, and everything that the autumn brings.

we move into our house on friday. this week is already the most super stressful week EVER. after the most stressful weekend ever. nothing has gone right yet.

neither tara or i really care though, we're still excited.

i haven't even started packing my stuff.

the bathroom still needs half-painted.

we've made two trips to carlisle in the past two days and will surely have two more to make on friday. last night we took a backroadsy supposedly faster way that ended up taking two hours. but in that two hours i smelled every smell of summer and even got to wear a hoody cuz it was so cold back in the woods.

also, my girlfriend bought me a big boquet of beautiful weird flowers.

i hardly have time to breath lately. this is the first time since nine a.m. that i had the opportunity to sit down. tara and i got a house. we are moving in two weeks and there are 2130939484 billion things to be done. it is overly-overwhelming....especially on top of work and business. she moved in with my parents about three weeks ago, and that is going alot more smoothly than i ever could have predicted. i have not been so excited in a long time. rob is opening up a new burrito shop about two blocks from our new place. i will be able to walk to work and what a financial save that will be. i got my dingbat tattoo and it looks pretty awesome. if anyone knows where i can get a reasonably priced (cheap) coffee table, sofa, and dining table.....please dear god, let me know.

i had the most enjoyable vacation this week. with the exception of tara's wallet being "eatin by the ocean", but conveniently recovered by the maryland state police this afternoon. also conveniently enough, mikey landed her a job in york today which only speeds up the move in process. my list of complaints is so short lately i can hardly believe it. gabriel is beginning kanji wednesdays in about a month which will be the beginning of my actual tattoo-ing. though i hardly mind my hours at either shop, it will be nice to be getting paid for those twelve over-time hours i put in each week. not to mention that it's been a huge un-realistic dream of mine to become a tattoo artist, and it is actually real now. it will also be nice to be able to afford to have the body work finally done to my golf since i was rear-ended. the friend/artist relationship is quite nice too. this monday i will spend my entire shift sterilizing with shaun and sitting in on a four hour session while ashley gets frankenstein and monsters covering her entire legs. i have the most awkward and uncomfortable sunburn right now. shots were once again fired directly behind keight's house tonight as ashley and i sat and gossiped. that was only a reminder to me that i have to move to the opposite side of town. i am exhausted from working and previous days of sun over-exposure. here is a picture from rock-climbing a few weeks ago. i am too god damn busy to keep this thing lagitimately up to date.

some weird dejavouz happened to tara and i tonight that resulted in me turning around on the street only to see her mouthing the exact same words that were coming out of my mouth at that exact same moment after she screamed my name down the street. it was quite possibly the most awkward/creepy thing that has ever happened to me. she knew exactly what was about to come out of my mouth as i was saying it. i have never seen anything more beautiful then that freaking dingbat sleeping right now. she has a huge grin on her face...i'm sure she's dreaming of ebay. tomorrow is a famous monsters party and i only have about twelve hours to come up with a suitable uniform...suggestions are welcome. obviously life is fucking peachy.

all anyone needs to know right now is that i am more happy with every aspect of my life than i ever have been before. life is spinning me in circles and i love it. i also love being in love. peace the fuck out.

update to my life.

i am working fulltime at rob's burrito shop which consists of forty hours of dance parties, blowing shit up, drinking sparks, and skateboarding, a week.

i am also apprenticing at a tattoo shop for my friend. i hang out, draw, and prep stuff in the evenings and in approximately three weeks i will begin tattooing. i am finally on the path to my dream job.

i am smitten and squishy.

i like flying kites and climbing on rocks.

this lady is pretty awesome.

'It was so strange to me how we could inadvertently unlock worlds to one another; add new facets to each other's lives with a few words or a gesture. Unknowingly awaken something beyond words with a couple of our own. Such simplicity that provoked complexity was truly pure and beautiful. And I thought, as if i was discovering the phrase for the first time: this is what friends are for.'

it's been one of those days.

this had to have hands down be one of the most intense weekends ever.

i'm not fond of the long entries detailing event after event, but i'll try to make this one straight up because it's worth the documentation.

friday- went to bo bim show. frollicked and was thrown into a dangerous mosh courtesy of my bff who first flung me around on her shoulders as i exposed my entire ass to the depot audience. gave bo bim sweet glasses, played pool, and went to jenn's. dustin and i had intentions of pulling an all nighter but crashed around five thirty. laughed until i couldn't laugh anymore and yelled at emmalee about reduced fat sleeping through the heater vents. crashed out for about two hours and came home.

saturday-lice scare at jenn's house. where i slept the night prior. woahahaha. but i'm lice free thank baby jesus. go to kates where i am yelled at and accused of making all of my friends sparks addicts. whatev. hang out, have fun, go to scarlet angel show. there is nothing like wild middle aged metal chicks who play in mostly cover bands. they rule. crazy ass people at the show. kate goes wild restrains me against a wall for protection, sam is falling over drunk, and i dance with a fifty year old lady with no toofs. leave show and have a bjork dance party with kristina in the car, drop sam on concrete, and go to sleep.

sunday-deal with or avoid rather, totally un-necessary drama. bday party, crabhouse, got sketched out!!!! sketched more x 1000000. and decide that i am better off on my own right now. my feelings are too fragile right now. weeerrrdddd.

now today is supposed to be my day of rest.....but it's erin's twenty first birthday. so tonight will be another night worth recalling. and on a business note, graphic stuff has picked up again. awesome.

a new year. i came home yesterday from my days of celebration. what a blast! i was so lucky to have all of my best friends there with me. they are the rulers of my world. i danced everywhere after midnight and watched fireworks from the top of ashley's car while on the phone. after the nights festivities wound down i made my way south of the border to get my first real new year's kiss. werldkjflakdjflstopbeingwonderfulaldkfjaldjfk. last night andrea cooked the best dinner ever and we watched movies and then nate came over and watched movies. everyone is going back home, i am a sad little baby because i am already missing them. tonight is art night!!!!! every medium and canvas you can think of and we are going to go hog-wild. life has officially proved me wrong by being awesome.

life is so super sweet right now. it's non-stop fun from dusk til dawn.

i almost can't take it. for example:



gotta run. ryan and i are going to the mall.

it's christmas morning and i feel like it all finally hit me. after a week of just going and going and going i had myself convinced that i was one hundred percent ok. but i guess i'm finally not. i feel like i've made the transition from a life, to b life, and back to a again. i know the best solution is to find a medium, an ab life, a mixture of the two, or the "blob" as neil and i like to refer to it. i'm becoming the blob.

how do you move on the right way? i haven't taken to drinking, i haven't taken to rebounds, i've just taken on to myself. i guess i can't expect to feel happy every moment of every day, i was never that before or during. but it's so hard to leave something that was so secure for so long and not turn back. or not try to make one more grab for it. i know grabbing and turning is the wrong thing to do, i'd be grabbing at nothing, i know this is what i need right now, but my heart and my head are in this epic battle with one and other and all it's doing is abstructing my sleeping habits, eating habits, existance habits, and exhausting me.

i can't wait until the day that i wake up and my goal isn't "work on being happy today and putting the past even further behind you." it does get easier by the day, i was fine until an hour ago, but god damn this shit is like a fucking snake crawling behind me every minute of every day and just waiting for one second when i let my guard down so it can bite me in the ass.

everything's gone, there's nothing left to remind me except memories and that's the hardest part. neil (he's pretty damn wise) told me something about opening this lid on my head. once the lid is open i'll find more peace with my memories and happy memories will no longer be attached to sadness. i can't wait to open the lid.

bahhhh!!!! charming girls = my greatest weakness. ahahahdklfjsdlfjd. kate clagg on being single: "in my opinion there is nobody out there worthy or good enough for you, i suggest you stay single forever." my friends are terribly greedy these days. and i love it. there are so many lovelies home right now. BETH I GOT YOUR MESSAGE, I LOVE YOU, AND WILL CALL YOU THE MINUTE AFTER CHRISTMAS!!! excitement, fun times, dates, woop woop. and.....monday we celebrate the birth wine and home-made gift style. i am going to run around in circles, do eggrolls, drink wine, smooch on erika, dance with ryan, and then go skateboarding. gotta go to work.

fifty dollars worth of reading materials lasted me one week. healthy habits are expensive.

tomorrow begins my celebratory season!!! woo hooo. knitting in bars.

neil is home and filling my head with twelve hour conversations that last until morning. old school.

and the best xmas gifts in the world will be here soon....erika and ryan!!! and a ton of others. get amped.

grandma gets test results today ::crosses fingers::.

Last night i made it from york to baltimore in nearly fourty minutes flat. only to catch the last song of via satellite's set, but well worth the risk of receiving a speeding ticket that i probably couldn't afford one fourth of. thank god for those godly rockstars, or i wouldn't be eating this week. why does it take fucking forever and a year for freelance checks to get sent out? this i wonder. laura has been sleeping for many hours and was uncharacteristically cranky when i tried to wake her an hour ago to begin work. so here i sit. i've played mean games of tetris, deleted unwanted passerbys from my myspace, and beat two levels of tony hawk after changing my ( surprisingly good looking ) skater's attire. i doubt there was any need for parentheses. i actually couldn't think of the word parentheses and had to search it on the internet. mostly all i found was a "what punctuation mark are you" quiz. i'm probably a question mark. this morning aforementioned girlfriend stepped on bella (the tiny kitten's) foot. the cat is black and it was pitch dark. now the poor thing is limping around on all threes and we are wishing for a quick and uncostly recovery. this is what lured laura to nap in the first place. damn you kittens!! now all i wonder...is it wrong to drink the sparks that you bought for your significant other early in the afternoon? if i do, i'm going to buy her another, so i should have no shame right?



i was wrong. i'm actually a colon. booo.

we took the kittens for a veterinarian visit the other day. she told us juelz has small testicles and confirmed the fact that they are healthy for a hundred dollars. pet expenses are ridiculous and i sometimes think unecessary. these are their 'adolescent' pictures. the shmittens will soon be shmats.

i am back in town for the holiday. last night laura drove me home in the snow and slept in with me this morning. i have no car to go anywhere until she picks me up again, and tonight will be the first night in many many nights that i have slept alone. thanksgiving was reasonably nice this year. i remember being fairly miserable last year on this particular holiday. but last year at this time was a very drastic adjustment period for my family and i. luckily things have since returned to normal. i feel like i'm home from college or something to visit the family. things are things as of right now. i do my design stuff, help laura out at work, we both take shit from her/my parents, and we just keep moving along. having our own place to live and not being constantly interrogated and watched will probably be the best thing for us seeing as our living condition right now is pretty stressful. donna chopped my hairs off this week. at first i was timid about the haircut and a little concerned about it looking too gay, but now i'm really digging it, especially today.

the lady and i have caught the bug. iiickkk. life is good. that's all you need to know. last night i was offered enough work to be a fulltime freelance designer from the company i just finished a project for. i haven't been so excited in a long time. no wake up time for work, no dresscode, and i can continue going to work with laura during the week. i think i successfully shunned the corporate workworld. via satellite is also a nice lifesaver right now, providing me with enough fliers and work to keep my little hands busy. having best friends in a shmancy band is where it's at. this also takes a weight off our shoulders when it comes to moving. instead of worrying about the location of two jobs, we just have to accomodate for laura's. the kittens are growing big. money is slowly working it's way out, and i want to get one of those 'mans' ruin' tattoos, only with a hot chick holding a kitten sitting on a sparks can with an awesome rummy hand or a vw grill behind her. uh huh. uh huh. uh huh.

HALLOWEEN!!!